The Barkley Method

My husband and I are in a class today, we are together with other parents to follow the methodology of Barkley.

This is a parenting-skills training to encourage behavior change with our ADHD children. The aim of the training is you will learn how to give immediate, positive feedback for "good" behavior, and ignore or redirect behaviors you want to discourage.

I look at the friendly therapist who explains with enthusiasm his program, this situation feels a bit surreal for me.

Ten years ago, I was in this scene, in the role of the friendly therapist with a group in front of me.

How I loved everything about the groupwork, the the critical questions and the group process.

Even now I find myself study the interactions between the parents, the psychiatrist and therapist. 

A thought pops up unannounced "and look where I am now".

I feel the irony of the situation bubbling ..

It is time for a self intervention;

First I give myself permission to feel myself sometimes rotten, with all the stories that I hear during this session it is hard not to.

Then I focus myself on the friendly therapist, I see that he is truly concerned about us as parents, and that he really believed in this method of Barkley that he is teaching us.

"I go for the content"  I tell myself in my own head , and "it's also good for my French!"

All parents get their turn to share experiences with the reward system of Barkley,

My husband and I look at each other regularly, every reward that parents mention we ourselves realize more and more that we do not live by the standard.

This is often precisely the problem of our son, he has completely different values ​​than the average child.

We can not reward him like the other parents with a Big Mac menu at McDonald's.

Our son is convinced a vegetarian and a strong supporter of bio food.

Never wants to eat candy because he is anti-sugar!

Points for extra TV time?  we do not even have a TV, and my son does not like cartoons and wants to watch only documentaries .

Once time we arrived to talk with him and have explained the methode.  He says he knows excactly what he wants to do: Lasergaming!

We both had not thought of that option, but we decide to go for Lasergaming.

A methode that actualy works: the Tokens System

This method is the only thing that works with my son. He is motivated to show good behavior, because he wants to collect enough tokens to go lasergaming. Last week he has reached his goal, he had earned so many points that we all went to the lasergame park, it felt for him like an accomplishment, the same feeling as a kids party. We invited a friend with her daughter and we had a blast. We made sure to compliment him regularly on his achievement. Thanks to him, we all got to spend a few exciting hours with each other. He was so proud and excited about his token system that our friends and their children want to use this method. Your child does not need to have ADHD for this fun methode. The children themselves are made responsible for their own behavior in a positive way. 

1. Find or buy a set of plastic tokens

All tokens have the same value, regardless of color.

2. Explain to the child that you find that he has not been rewarded enough for the pleasant things he has done, that you want to change that, that you will create a picture that will reward his positive behaviors and efforts And will receive rewards and privileges.

3. Make a bank with your child in which he will keep the chips he has won.

4. Make a list of privileges with your child. This should not include only occasional special privileges (cinema, rollerblading, toys) but also daily privileges that your child takes for granted (TV, games console, bike, invitation to a buddy ...).

Try to have at least 10 rewards on this list.

5. Make a second list containing tasks and activities that you often ask your child.

It can be domestic tasks (to put the canopy, to put away a room, to make a bed ...) but also daily activities (to be dressed for school, to wash and to take bath, to brush teeth ...).

6. Take each task and decide its value in chips.

1 to 3 tokens for each task (possibly 5 for important activities).

The harder the task, the more chips you assign.

7. Count the number of tokens your child will earn on a daily basis if he or she performs most tasks correctly.

- Decide how many chips he will have to pay each reward

(Approximately 2/3 of daily tokens spent on daily privileges)

8. Opportunity to win extra chips when tasks are done in a pleasant and fast manner.

9. Tell the child that the chips are given only for tasks that have been done on the first request.

RECALL

Do not remove chips for inappropriate behavior.

Only parents enter the points on the board (not the child)

You can reward your child for situations where his behavior is appropriate, when he has not disturbed you

Review reward lists and tasks each month

Do not give the points until your child has done what you asked for, but only then.

Do not wait to reward!